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I just needed to have the right opportunity, and the right man, to let these ‘girlish’ traits show.
I realized that I might have forced myself until then to be this independent, outgoing girl with an “optimistic character,” fixing problems by myself without relying on my man.
She should be resilient but needs to be rescued when hardship arises. I could concede that independent and dependent tendencies might coexist in a person, certainly, but often they don’t go together.
I thought it more a fantasy of men who craved unequal power relations with their girlfriends than a reality.
As a young woman, I kept wondering about how I should act, and how much of myself I should show men.The more we talked about our future, the more afraid I became that I might not be his perfect life partner.I kept on worrying about whether I could satisfy his friends or parents’ expectations of a “good woman.” My fears were not the only reason we parted ways, but they were certainly a factor.(They might say making chocolate is a woman’s hobby and men never do .) But I must thank the South Korean men I have dated — even those who have been so critical of me — for leading me down this path of self-discovery.And I look forward to meeting the next man who will help me learn more about who I truly am.
Dating him, and others before that, has allowed me to see my self-contradictions and insecurities.