Thirtysomething dating a twenty something
The heteronormative lifestyle Jay seems to take for granted in her talk is subdued in her book, which actually dedicates its first 30 percent to work.
And the book very quickly establishes a critical condition that’s taken for an assumption in her talk: That her advice is geared toward people who choose to list marriage and/or children in their life goals.
It’s actually a very stressful time.” Agreed, but — as you get older — spring break gets harder and harder to schedule.
While Jay finds it hard to see what is fun about scrambling for the L train at 4 am after too much Scotch, it’s hard for me to imagine what’s fun about owning a home and having two kids.
In her chapters on work and love, Jay doesn’t address the critical relationship between the two — and more important, how one might hinder the other.
She doesn’t recognize that for an ambitious twentysomething, there simply might not be enough hours in the day to further a career work on finding the perfect mate.
And that also doesn’t mean twentysomethings should be content to date and cohabitate for years with people they know they won’t end up with.
At least thinking about the qualities you want in a long-term partner while you’re in your twenties, says Jay, can help prevent what she sees often in her practice: people who rush into marriage when they turn thirty because it’s suddenly the time to care.
Jay spoke at TED2013 — and emphatically stated that “30 is not the new 20.” She urges twentysomethings to rid themselves of the idea that their 20s are a prolonged adolescence, throwaway years.I’m 24 and a woman, and that makes me a target for a lot of speculation and life advice.Sheryl Sandberg wants me to lean in to become a woman leader; Anne-Marie Slaughter says my lady parts may doom me to a half-fulfilled life; Susan Patton thinks I should have spent my time at Princeton looking for a husband (ideally one of her sons); and in TIME Magazine’s most recent cover story, Joel Stein suggests that I’m narcissistic and dying to be famous. And people wonder why millennials are so self-involved.Creating urgency for twentysomethings is okay.” But how this helps anyone over thirty is less clear.Indeed, Jay’s book could be a pretty depressing read for thirtysomethings who haven’t been powerwalking through their 20s. As Jay says in her talk, “I’m not discounting twentysomething exploration here, but I am discounting exploration that’s not supposed to count. That’s procrastination.” I’m not going to upend modern philosophical thought when I say: Not all experiences need a focus, and not everything that counts can be counted.
In her book, Jay includes personal experiences and reflections that help to soften what could otherwise seem like a condescending stance. diploma while eight months pregnant with baby number one.” By the time she had her second child Jay had a university job.