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For me, being comfortable with my husband and secure in the relationship made it so much easier to communicate and work on fixing the problems together.It sounds cheesy, but marriage counseling really helped.I addressed my problems through counseling, medication, physical therapy, and even surgery.My problevms are not 100 percent fixed, and we don't have sex as often as either of us would like, but when we have it, it's worlds better than when we started out.There are many reasons why, including therapy, antidepressants, and weight loss and subsequent surgery—but I would have to say that the big reason is communication.If you had known us 25 years ago, Dan, you would not have given us good odds.
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In a recent column, you said you never hear from married couples whose sex life got better and more frequent over the years. My wife and I were married 24 years ago, and we are currently having more sex and better sex than we did in the first years of our marriage.
When I met my wife, our sex life was okay—but I was never fully present, because I would have to concentrate on my fantasies in order to sustain an erection. My wife knew I was masturbating in the middle of the night instead of having sex with her, and that led to some enormous fights.
So I told her about my kink, fully expecting that it would result in the collapse of my marriage.
I was a very experienced woman (five years as a swinger and partners numbering in the high double digits) when I first met the man who would become my husband. We also had an amazing friendship, and we were never as happy apart as we were together. We went from once a month to a couple times a week. It's not as frequent as it once was, but it's really good when we have it. Am I the first or the hundredth person to write in? I suspect you don't see it in your inbox very often because this isn't what most people would consider a problem and we don't want to waste your time!