Internet dating ice breakers
They want acknowledgment from their ex that the dumpee had been wronged, that their ex was an uncaring bitch, a vampire, a whore and deserves to suffer from every STD known to man.They want their ex to hurt just as much as they do – if not and now you just look like an impotent idiot.Even trying to get some measure of revenge in the name of “justice” is counterproductive.Yeah, it feels righteous, like you’re correcting a karmic imbalance.She or he’d cheated on them, betrayed them somehow, dumped them with callous disregard to their feelings, devoured their soul or otherwise played games with their heart and now, as the wronged party, they deserved satisfaction.Usually what they want is, ultimately, vindication.While it hurt worse than anything I’d known – at the time, I had thought it was the perfect relationship – ultimately, we broke up because my girlfriend legitimately didn’t want a serious relationship with I’d pushed and pushed for an exclusive relationship when she’d previously said that she didn’t want one. I was a grown-ass man and this is how grown-ass men handled things – with stoic nobility and graceful acceptance.So clearly, while it was obviously sad, I had absolutely no cause to be angry or hurt. I recovered quickly and moved on without bitterness or rancor. I was determined to be “mature” about it and crammed all of that pain and anger away and tried to pretend I wasn’t feeling it.
Even when ultimately it’s nobody’s fault and nobody has been wronged, break ups hurt and we get angry at the people who hurt us. Here’s the seeming paradox of letting yourself feel all the feels – you have to be willing to let them go too.More often than not, one of the first things that you want to do after a break up is to find some way to make the pain go away.Some people go out and get absolutely hammered at a bar, trying to anesthetize themselves with the sweet embrace of alcohol.And if you want to be completely selfish, channeling that anger is a good way of making your life more awesome while you’re recovering from the breakup. One of the things that I hear over and over again from folks who’ve just gotten dumped is that they want closure. In fact, more often than not, that desire for “closure” comes down to one of two issues.They want some final meeting of the minds with their newly minted ex in order to hash out just what happened, tie off any loose ends and sort out regrets before dropping the match on the Viking funeral that is the old relationship. A) The person seeking closure wants neat and tidy answers to why they’re breaking up or B) The person seeking closure (almost always the dump-ee… You’re not a single triggering incident – somebody cheated on somebody else, for example – it’s rarely a one-off that suddenly caused your ex to hit the self-destruct button.