Exhibit balham speed dating
Boys on one side of the room, girls on the other, with barely repressed giggles and fear sweat in the air – the temperature was turned up to the max, presumably to make sure the women had something to look at when the men stood up.
It was then that Rob informed us that, as predicted by my friends and family but strenuously denied by myself, the clothes would not be coming back on anytime soon. After all, in for a penny, in for a few extra Christmas pounds.
“I just thought the lining up wasn’t going to work, I thought it was going to kill the atmosphere, with getting changed.
So I just decided to completely change it last minute.
(A word to the wise, though, for whoever compiled the playlist: if you want to put women at their ease, lay off the James Blunt.
The only thing that “Goodbye, My Lover” was psyching me up for was a funeral.) I heard later the boys all undressed in the bar in total silence, avoiding eye contact. In we shuffled, in our matching Matalan robes, to a reassuringly dark bar filled with small tables.
Beforehand, my mother said to me: “Do you have time to get a fake tan?
Upstairs I went, fighting mild pukiness, to meet Rob the organiser.
But this stands out as one of the more publishable pieces of advice I received before I went naked speed dating.
The latest in London’s saucy scenes, Date in a Dash have begun hosting nude events for ages 23 to 35, to shake up the dating scene, cut through the bulls*** and to reveal right off the bat who’s really attracted to who, and who’s sporting, say, an unfortunate butt tattoo.
“I wouldn’t do it in a million years.” Red rag to a bull, I’m afraid.
Full disclosure: I am a 5”4, size 14 woman on the latter side of 25 with all the trimmings – cellulite, scars, bruises, chipped nail varnish and a rack that gave up the fight against gravity years ago.
(a few girls chose to keep their bra and pants on, but others decided to try the full monty with me).